


transatlanticism

by monamis



Category: K-pop, Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: (saving that for later whoops), F/F, lol its not really an M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-01
Updated: 2017-03-01
Packaged: 2018-09-27 18:01:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10037396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/monamis/pseuds/monamis
Summary: Nothing quite feels like longing for something you already have.[Title taken from the song by Death Cab For Cutie.]





	

**Author's Note:**

> A big thank you to my beta, seulbjorn.

 

 

 

The night is clear with a full moon illuminating the starless sky, and Seungwan is miserable.

 

Or she would be, if not for her girlfriend's warm presence at her side. Though while Seulgi has kept her sane for the majority of the evening, the amount of pompous businesspeople dressed to their nines in Armani and Gucci are a still bit too concentrated for one single space.

 

"I'm pretty sure that intern from Woollim Corp was ogling your legs throughout our whole conversation,” Seungwan grumbles under her breath as she watches them saunter away. The flute of champagne that was placed in her care by said employee sits idly in her hand — a reminder of how her “I’m driving tonight, actually,” was completely brushed aside for a seemingly suave greeting.

 

A low chuckle brushes her ear as her better half leans in close. "Do you think my legs look nice, too?"

 

“ _Seulgi,”_ the slightly younger one warns weakly, losing the desired effect when she lets her eyes flicker down anyway.

 

The taller brunette laughs quietly when she manages to force her stare back up to her face a few long seconds later. “That’s a yes, then.”

 

“I’m not going to answer that,” the marketing and communications office’s manager sniffs, pursing her lips. Then her companion is sidling subtly to stand a little behind and to the side of her — and to anyone else it must look natural, but Seungwan instantly recognises the sudden tension in her posture. “Seul?"

 

A cool hand is placed on her waist. “The tall guy over in the corner keeps looking at your butt."

 

He turns away when Seungwan looks over, just a millisecond too slow. “Two in one night," she states, watching the woman who introduced herself as Lee Mijoo currently eyeing someone else's legs. _At least they’re not on Seulgi’s anymore,_ she muses with a sigh. “We seriously shouldn't have come tonight. I didn't know some of these people would be so…unprofessional."

 

"They probably just haven’t met someone that they can't take their eyes off of," Seulgi suggests, smiling down at her with a loving stare and rosy lips, and it's so _very_ hard not to just kiss her senseless in front of everyone.

 

Seungwan does manage to turn away with a hefty amount of willpower, and contemplates downing the champagne in her glass as a pat on the back for herself. "Something tells me they'd still keep looking at other people’s butts and legs."

 

Seulgi hums, tapping her fingers gently at her hip. "So long as you're looking at mine and only mine, I’m happy."

 

“And I'd be significantly happier if I was the only one doing so," Seungwan replies, her voice low as she takes her companion’s hand carefully and revels at the vision that is Kang Seulgi for the umpteenth time that evening. “Your outfit tonight does fit you wonderfully, by the way,” she says, before her heart can fully jump to her throat.

 

“Thanks,” Seulgi beams with a slight tilt of her head. “And you look breathtaking. As does your dress, of course."

 

It’s spoken as if she were mentioning the nice weather instead, and Seungwan flushes red trying to think of something to counter back with. Fortunately for her malfunctioning brain — and unfortunately for her pounding heart — the spontaneous staring match is abruptly broken by a jovial greeting out of nowhere.

 

“Manager Son, so glad you could make it tonight!"

 

She hides most of her initial surprise with a half–hearted glare at her smirking girlfriend, before turning to the source of the interruption.

 

"Supervisor Kim," she bows deeply as Seulgi mimics her, leaving her side cold as she does so. "Good evening."

 

Her colleague smiles and nods his head at her, doing the same with his glass of white wine at Seulgi. “I don’t suppose we’ve been introduced before, Miss…?"

 

(Seungwan doesn't miss the way his eyes trail along her girlfriend's body.)

 

"Kang Seulgi,” the taller girl fills in with a polite smile, hands folded and fidgeting neatly on her abdomen. “And we have met, actually. Once or twice."

 

A hearty chuckle. “My apologies then, it must be the wine getting to me." Seungwan allows herself to relax a little when Youngwoon turns to her now. "And here I was worried our very own woman of the hour wouldn't be able to show up,” he continues. "But here she is, our star manager. Complete with a stunning friend at her side!"

 

"Girlfriend," Seungwan corrects him immediately, just as she's been doing since the first time her team discovered she was dating another female.

 

“I see you recovered from your fever well?" he asks without missing a beat, pleasant smile ceasing to die even as Seungwan bristles in front of him.

 

"Yes," she replies stiffly. "I did."

 

“Just in time." He raises his eyebrows as he takes another sip of his wine, swallowing it slowly as he pans his eyes between them. Then he opens his mouth again, no doubt to deliver another comment to further ruin Seungwan's night, and all three of them give a start as a younger man pops into the conversation.

 

_Just in time_ , she thinks sourly as she quietly regards the two pen pushers conversing in hushed words. Her impending headache only tapers off half of a tense minute later with the apologetic look her coworker throws their way.

 

…Well, Seulgi's way.

 

“Pardon me, ladies, I have some quick business to attend to." The audaciously charming look he sends to her girlfriend is more obvious this time. "I hope you enjoy the rest of your evening without me."

 

“We will, Youngwoon–sshi," Seungwan responds evenly, resisting the urge to growl when he leaves with one last wave to the girl beside her.

 

"Your team supervisor is the worst," Seulgi remarks as she lifts the marketing manager's hand back at him.

 

Seungwan scoffs, letting her play around with curling and uncurling her fingers while she focuses on burning holes into the man's back. “You can say that again."

 

The digits fiddling with hers pause at that and let go to reach for her other arm. "You're going to break the glass if you carry on."

 

She only realises how tight the grip in her other hand is when Seulgi plucks the still–full flute from her grasp. "Oh," is all she can mumble, and it garners a concerned look.

 

"Do you want sit down?" her lover asks gently, and Seungwan shakes her head.

 

“No, I'm fine," she sighs, rubbing absently at the pressure point of her temple.

 

"Then…do you want to go home?"

 

Her eyebrows shoot up. "…No?"

 

A silent few beats pass. "You do."

 

"Why did you ask if you know the answer?"

 

"You gave away the answer with the weird way that you said 'no'."

 

"Psh. What weird way?"

 

Seulgi leans in with narrowed eyes. " _That_ weird way,” she reiterates, and when Seungwan frowns even further she just chuckles quietly. “Your eyebrows, Wan."

 

A pout automatically forms on her lips at that. “They’re not that expressive…” she grouses, crossing her arms over her stomach as Seulgi straightens once more. “But yes. I do want to go home."

 

"There. Now was that so hard?"

 

"Don't make me force feed you broccoli when we get back."

 

"Then let's get back soon and end my suffering quickly."

 

That pulls a short puff of laughter from Seungwan. "You want to go home too, then?"

 

Seulgi cocks an eyebrow at her. "Only if you want to."

 

She gives an exasperated groan back. “ _Kkangseul…_ "

 

“Well, do you have to stay for much longer?” her girlfriend shoots back with a petulant look.

 

“Truthfully, no,” Seungwan admits. "I only had to make an appearance to talk to a few of the right people; let them know I was actually here."

 

"Great!” The taller one reaches for her hand. "Then let's go!"

 

Seungwan blinks at her sudden enthusiasm. "You're sure you don't want to stay?"

 

Seulgi promptly deflates with a groan. “Wan–ah, you know our last fight started like this."

 

"I know,” she smiles, a giggle slipping from her lips at the memory of the awkward, short–lived minutes spent giving one another the silent treatment. “Because we're both dumb."

 

Seulgi grins back. "I know.” Her arm loops through Seungwan’s with ease as she pulls her a little closer to her side. "And I'm fine with not staying,” she goes on, glancing down at the smaller woman as she steals a long sip from the flute still in her hand. Seungwan snickers at the grimace that mars her features shortly after. "Unless I'm going to be missing out on something good?” The older brunette quizzes her uncertainly, and is answered with a shake of the head.

 

"There's no dancing tonight, I'm afraid," Seungwan informs her with a playful nudge of her elbow to the elder one's ribcage. “Is that the only reason you ever come with me to these functions?”

 

“Will I be force fed more broccoli if it is?” The designer asks slyly, eyes curving into crescents over the rim of the glass as she lifts it for another slip.

 

“No, that just means I’ll bring you to less of these parties,” Seungwan snipes, meaning at least half of the sentiment — because Seulgi's distracting enough without her mile–long legs drawing the attention of every onlooker in the vicinity. She doesn't need to dance her way into their borderline–predatory gazes, too.

 

“Then I guess I have no choice but to keep you at home with me,” the taller woman concludes, face flushing slightly from the champagne.

 

“I’m glad that all works out, then,” Seungwan quips.

 

"Indeed it does,” Seulgi exclaims, setting the now–empty glass down. “So you can escort us back now, my love,” she requests with a reverent hand sweeping out before them, and Seungwan snorts and takes her by the arm when it almost slaps the back of some poor waiter’s head. A sheepish look is cast towards her at that, and she just shakes her head fondly before leading the way out.

 

_What a nerd._

  
 

* * *

 

Close to an hour later she’s counting her lucky stars that Seulgi didn’t get to drink more than the one glass, because getting up to their apartment would probably have taken a lot longer simply due to the work required to get a drunk teddy bear of a person out of the car. She does become considerably less cooperative when inebriated, after all. Though as she is now the alcohol’s worn off, leaving only a tint of pink on her cheeks as she walks steadily beside Seungwan.

 

"Thanks again for coming with me tonight,” the latter yawns, letting Seulgi into the apartment first before tossing her keys onto the table and hanging her coat up.

 

"You don't need to thank me for performing simple girlfriend duties,” the taller one says airily, doing the same while slipping out of her pumps in swift movements, before bending down and helping her girlfriend with the straps of her stilettos. "Besides, it's not like I can let someone else be your plus one, right?"

 

Seungwan fails to respond as a shiver grips her body, feeling abruptly more awake at the careful press of cool fingertips against her calf. The twist in her stomach is all too familiar, as is the heat spiking along her nerves — a result of several similar instances between them for the past week. It had been too long since the last time they had even kissed, and the collective electricity of it all has her pulling her fingers down to weave through waves of chocolate and silk as her girlfriend visibly falters at the touch.

 

“Seulgi —" the smaller brunette exhales sharply, unable to say anything more when her mind is too tired to battle past primal want and need.

 

The almost undetectable widening of caramel eyes quickly slips into an infamously dangerous lip–bite from the girl kneeling before her. “You’re not tired?” she inquires softly, staring up with a curious expression that would be innocent, if not for the sudden darkness of her blown pupils.

 

Seungwan goes to say no immediately, but a yawn forces her to turn away instead just to stifle it. It's futile, and just like that the heavy static in the air lifts; carried by the wind chime of Seulgi's laughter as she goes back to pulling off her other shoe before setting them both aside.

 

“I thought so," she grins, pressing fleeting lips to her knee before pulling Seungwan's hand from her head and doing the same to her knuckles.

 

"Don't look so disappointed," the shorter woman mutters drily, a radiant pink blossoming on her cheeks as the older brunette stands and leaves a lingering kiss to her forehead.

 

"I could never be disappointed with anything concerning you,” Seulgi replies warmly as she embraces her with willowy arms around her shoulders.

 

Seungwan shuts her eyes at the scent of tangerine and home that instantly surrounds her. "I was being sarcastic."

 

Seulgi chuckles. "And I was being honest."

 

There's nothing she can say that won't come out as a blushing mess of words, so Seungwan just lets her direct them to the sofa with blind, waddling footsteps until she’s released and nudged onto the seat.

 

“You know,” she begins, plopping down obediently. "We could have just not turned up altogether. I could have stuck with the fever excuse."

 

Seulgi takes her place at her side, lying down immediately to rest her head on her lap with a content hum. "But it's over now. You did it."

 

"Not all of it," Seungwan groans at the ceiling. "My boss actually invited me to another party to parade around her assembly of team managers. If I don't go to that one, my chances of getting a promotion will be back at square one."

 

“That won’t happen," Seulgi insists, reaching up to take her hand and placing their interlocked fingers over her tummy. "There's no reason for anything like that to change her mind about you."

 

An exhausted sigh is given instead of the “Hopefully,” that Seungwan thinks of in her mind, and her girlfriend watches her for a moment in the silence before sitting up.

 

"Come on,” she chirps, hands still joined as she moves to stand. “Let's just go to bed and sleep it off, alright?"

 

"I'm not tired,” Seungwan protests adamantly, energised quickly by the prospect of having to waste time sleeping when it could be spent awake with her other half, instead. "I _was_ tired, but I'm not anymore. I don’t want to sleep yet."

 

Usually this is where their bickering commences. One of them — Seulgi, in this case — would argue back about placing the other’s health before themselves. And sometimes it would work, while other times it would end in childish repartee; resulting in damp glares and eventual kisses of apology.

 

But this time is different. This time, Seulgi just concedes with a defeated drop of her shoulders and an affectionate smile that sparks in her eyes.

 

"Let's bake cupcakes, then,” she proposes, and Seungwan can only nod.

 

"It _is_ almost midnight though,” she still tries to reason.

 

Seulgi shrugs as she pulls her to stand. “And you’re stressed. We all know that you bake when you're stressed."

 

The marketing manager just makes a face when she pauses to give herself a once over. "Can I at least get out of this dress, first?"

 

“Later.” A light peck meets her cheek before she’s being led into their open space kitchen. “Right now, I want cupcakes!"

 

That earns the girl a dramatic sigh as she's handed a yellow apron to match Seulgi's blue one. "I knew there was an ulterior motive in there somewhere…"

 

All that answers her is a sunny grin before Seulgi’s dancing around the kitchen, gathering ingredients and utensils and arranging them on the island with a lively tune on her lips. Seungwan doesn’t bother questioning why she’s so familiar with everything, even when the only thing she’s ever managed to make successfully is ramyun, and she’s been indefinitely banned from cooking even then. But somehow after some struggles (and assistance with panicked cries of “Not the salt! The sugar!” and “ _Please_ put the whisk on a lower power…”), they manage to get a batch of cupcakes into the oven within a good half hour.

 

"Wan–ah,” is called just as Seungwan slips the tray inside and double checks the temperature, removing her oven gloves and heaving a relieved sigh at having successfully avoided ruining her evening gown.

 

“Hm?” She turns as the radio tuner app of her phone is switched on, rolling her eyes at the familiar beat of a late night song pulsing around the apartment. “No way are we going to try timing them by the rough length of each song, Seul. Not again."

 

Her girlfriend cracks up at the reminder of their previous and only attempt, and the unbreakable cookies they yielded. “Not what I was going to suggest, actually.”

 

Seungwan only leans against the counter with a quizzical smile as the taller woman closes the distance between them.

 

"It's our song,” Seulgi goes on to explain jubilantly, waggling her eyebrows at her until they both dissolve into laughter.

 

"Every song is our song to you,” she points out, her hands naturally finding their place on her lover’s waist as she’s drawn into her arms.

 

"Because I'm always thinking of you,” the elder one proclaims, leaning back slightly with a valiant attempt at a wink. "Your dress just happens to be Versace, too."

 

Seungwan wonders if her girlfriend actually understands all of the lyrics they’re swaying to, but she doesn’t dare ask when the fire in her veins starts creeping with a flustered warmth up her neck.

 

"I don't know why you keep on pulling me into these impromptu dances of yours," she murmurs instead, resting her forehead against the girl's shoulder as she lets the muscle memory of her feet take over. Moments spent like this with her have always been so numerous, after all.

 

Her love laughs at the remark, pulling away to twirl her around gently. “But you adore them."

 

" _But_ I can't dance that well," Seungwan chuckles, looking away when she's brought back to her again.

 

“I love dancing with you anyway,” the designer smiles and pecks her temple as the song builds, holding her a little closer when it approaches the climax of the bridge. Seungwan does her best not to drift off when she hears her crooning snippets of the last verse, and by the time the song draws to an end and the radio host’s voice filters through, she finds it a little easier to keep her eyes open.

 

“We’re seriously going to keep dancing to this, too?” she giggles slightly, burrowing her nose against the dip of Seulgi's collar.

 

“He has a nice timbre,” the older one says matter–of–factly. “And you can dance to anything if you really want to."

 

“I suppose,” Seungwan nods, before her focus drifts to the mess in the sink. “Except there are some mixing bowls that need cleaning, so…"

 

Seulgi glances around to see the miniature mountain of washing up to do and groans. “Way to kill the mood,” she pouts heavily, slowing to a stop nonetheless as Seungwan tucks a lock of hair behind her ear for her.

 

“Come on, you big baby,” she jests, nudging her over to stand by her usual post as she hands her a drying cloth. "You had your fun."

 

The freelance artist bumps her hip lightly against Seungwan's. “You found it fun, too."

 

The latter scoffs but doesn’t deny it, choosing instead to flick suds at her in between lathering and rinsing, and accepting her punishment graciously when Seulgi retaliates with fingers dancing along her sides, pressing at all of her sensitive spots. The simple chore rapidly turns into a battle of chucking foam and tickling one another, and by some stroke of luck they manage to finish up with minor casualties (read: one broken mug and bubbles in their hair), plus a fresh batch of hot golden brown cupcakes.

 

“We can’t eat all of these in one night,” the shorter woman muses, inspecting them carefully as her girlfriend munches on one happily.

 

“Is that a challenge?” Seulgi grins, and the next ten minutes are spent trying to convince her not to inhale as many of the baked treats as she can.

 

“You absolute loon,” Seungwan mutters fondly as she tows her to the bedroom in order to put her to sleep and stop the insanity from continuing any further. The drowsiness that had plagued her for most of the evening is completely gone now, and she wonders if she’ll even be able to sleep now; thanks to her personal part-time pest.

 

“I’m still your loon,” Seulgi chimes behind her, before pausing and tugging her back.

 

“Where do you think you’re trying to go?” she quizzes, earning an innocent shrug as she's led backwards.

 

“Bathroom. Gotta wash your face and brush those pearly whites, first."

 

That has Seungwan lifting an eyebrow suspiciously. “…You just want us in these dresses for as long as possible, don’t you?”

 

“It’s not my fault you look extra beautiful tonight,” Seulgi leers playfully, beckoning her blushing girlfriend over. “Now get in here, I’ll take your makeup off for you."

 

She shakes her head but obeys anyway, trailing in after her and taking a seat on the lip of the bathtub while Seulgi hurries to her room for the cotton and makeup remover.

 

“You really haven’t changed where you put everything,” she comments offhandedly, her voice muffled slightly by the walls between them. Seungwan stares at the tiled floor and exhales.

 

“There’s no point in changing them,” she says smiling feebly up at the girl as she glides back in with a handful of cotton pads and a bottle of remover.

 

“That’s good, or I’d be really lost,” Seulgi jokes, getting to work with a tiny line of concentration forming in her brow. Seungwan sits silently and keeps her eyes shut as the light eyeshadow and mascara is wiped off, doing her best to swallow the lump in her throat all the while. It feels a lot like her heart has decided to jam itself there and prevent her from doing anything but attempt to breathe in weakly — so she does. And then she tries to breathe out.

 

"You're going back to Japan tomorrow."

 

The words leave her mouth unwittingly and it’s only when Seulgi hesitates, hand and cotton frozen mid-stroke, that she even realises what she’s said.

 

Somehow it just makes everything even more real; voicing it out loud. The fact that Seulgi won’t be here tomorrow, nor will she be coming back for a long time when her schedule is thoroughly packed with deadlines and meetings.

 

(The curse of being a rising freelancer in a demanding industry.)

 

Her eyes flicker to Seungwan’s, surprise shifting dully into regret as she wets a new pad with tap water.

 

“It’s only for a couple more months,” she says, her smile muted as her voice strains for its previous brightness. "You've lasted six without me already, haven't you?"

 

“And I hate it," Seungwan utters quietly, focusing resolutely on the corner where the wall meets the ceiling when the back of her eyes start to burn. "I hate missing you, because this place stopped feeling like home after you left.” Strands of hair are brushed back from her eyes as Seulgi smudges the lipstick from her mouth. "…I'm still not used to waking up without you."

 

That makes her stop, one hand lingering on her cheek as the other reaches down to pry at the digits gripping her dress. “Hey,” she murmurs, sitting on the lid of the toilet seat beside the bathtub in order to level their gazes. "I'm coming back.” She squeezes her fingers gently with a tilt of her head and a curve of her eyes. "I always come back to you."

 

“I want you back for good,” is all the younger woman can respond with.

 

Seulgi bites her lip until the rosiness of the flesh goes pale. “I will be soon. I swear."

 

It’s quiet between them as Seungwan holds her a little tighter, and when she stands with an offer to return the favour Seulgi ushers her to brush her teeth instead; already reaching for the cotton and makeup remover with a playful elbow nudging her aside. The petite woman concedes reluctantly after hitting her backside lightly and going to retrieve her toothbrush, and everything goes back to normal for two minutes when Seulgi teases her about her concentrated expression, pulling retaliations from her muffled by toothpaste foam.

 

They only make her girlfriend snort and peck her cheek with an “adorable” uttered against her, and when she eventually retreats to the bedroom it's the only thing she can think about; her hands tracing phantom warmth on her skin.

 

"You haven't changed out of your dress?"

 

She blinks up at Seulgi when she comes in minutes later, her dress miraculously free of any spills. Seungwan shakes her head no and goes to explain that she zoned out and forgot, but her words die at the desperate look her girlfriend gives her before she crosses the room in two long strides. They’re kissing in the next second, soft and slow and impossibly gentle as the shorter of them exhales sharply against insistent lips. It’s only when they part for air that either of them realise it was needed in the first place, and Seulgi looks at her like she’d rather suffocate.

 

“Help me out of this?” Seungwan requests with a slight stammer, but she's already being turned with cold fingertips on her zipper and warm palms burning over her skin, melting her down with a sigh. She knows that this won’t be the last time that they see each other, but it will be the last that they’ll be able to see in person for a long while. That's what she dwells upon when her lover undresses her with trembling fingers, and when the satin and gossamer trickles to the floor and Seungwan turns to do the same for the other woman, she’s met with the sight of damp cheeks and shimmering eyes.

 

"I hate missing you, too," Seulgi whispers thickly, looking down at their fingers as she interlocks them. "I really hate it.”

 

The tears glitter in her stare but they haven’t fallen yet, so Seungwan lifts her free hand to catch them before they can. The air sits stagnant with the weight of a distance separating them even now, and the yearning to close it as much as possible; as quickly as possible.

 

“I don’t want to go,” she continues, and Seungwan doesn't say anything because she knows she'll only be able to say "Stay."

 

And she knows she _would_ stay. She knows Seulgi would drop her work in a heartbeat to spend another night with her, and it’s simultaneously swoon–worthy and worrisome when Seungwan comes close to voicing her wishes almost every day. They've had close calls before too, like the time she ranted about a particularly tough time at work, and Seulgi was a single mouse click away from hopping on the next flight back to Seoul; her evening conference be damned.

 

(Plus being as clumsy as she is, Seulgi has also had to convince her not to panic–book trips to Kyoto on account of the artist's aching ankles or injured hands.)

 

The bottom line is that they're both just as hopeless as each other when dealing with the distance, but that doesn't change the fact that it's a necessary distance.

 

They've been attached at the hip for so long; supporting each other relentlessly in school and then constantly visiting one another in university. Going for their own goals together has always been part of their dynamic, and Seungwan would be damned if she let herself be the one to break their unspoken agreement of putting the other's needs before their own.

 

So she can stay without her for now, as long as they can both be happy with one another in the end. Because that’s how this works.

 

It's that reminder that makes her say that Seulgi should go, because they both know it’s a good job opportunity in a career she loves. The truth of her words keeps her smile intact, and when her girlfriend worries her lip and nods silently she kisses her because she can, holding Seulgi close instead of begging her not to leave. She indulges Seungwan because she knows her heart anyway, tracing fervent lips down familiar paths of her jaw and neck until she's pulled to the bed with kisses accompanying every inch of skin gradually being bared.

 

They fall and fit together as they always have; with gentle hands and gentler lips, and hushed sounds sung between prayers and praises. It’s something that she hasn’t missed half as much as simply having Seulgi around; but when she’s losing her breath with every touch, Seungwan finds herself striving to make it last as long as possible — her mouth slow and her fingers teasing as she takes her time and lets Seulgi take hers.

 

It’s not enough even when her own exhaustion hits her after one round, but Seulgi’s the one to reach down for the smaller brunette's hand before flipping her smoothly onto her back. Tired protests form and fade instantly on her tongue when languid kisses are left on her mouth, punctuated with promises whispered to her in the darkness.

 

The fatigue that settles in renders her helpless to do anything but drift off when Seulgi pulls her close, and when the new morning arrives with a quickly fading warmth from the space beside her, the first thing Seungwan does is curl into it and wait for it to go cold. Her hopes of hearing the click of the front door and the call of breakfast bought from their usual cafe fades with it, and the ache in her chest makes itself known once more as she slumps out of bed and gets ready to face the day.

 

It’s almost an hour later that she realises she’s managed to wake up earlier than her alarm — her hair dry and her outfit already on — and she lets out a groan before dropping back onto her bed. As if on cue her phone buzzes barely a minute later, effectively jolting her out of her downcast state as she scrambles to answer it. The caller ID flashing onscreen almost has her dropping it in her haste to pick up, and the million-and-one openers she thinks of then are instantly blanked by the voice on the other line.

 

“I’m in the waiting lounge and I really, really, _really_ miss you," Seulgi greets in a clumsy rush, and it feels like the first time she had to let her go. It feels just as hard the second time around too, except Seungwan isn’t there to dry her eyes for her and see her off at security. And she wants to be angry about that, because leaving at the crack of dawn without even giving a proper goodbye is such a Seulgi thing to do. Even if it isn’t her fault at all that her client wants to meet this evening to discuss their designs. It’s no one’s fault; just the usual shoddy workings of the universe.

 

It’s just so much easier to feel angry than to feel lost over someone who’s never actually left you.

 

Yet all she can do is laugh in the end; tired and alone and wanting nothing more than to throw her responsibilities to the wind in favour of catching the next flight to Kyoto. "Why didn't you wake me up?” is all she can ask, when the idea sits in her stomach with the rest of her longing.

 

There’s a brief silence, then a quiet sigh. "You haven't been getting enough sleep as it is," Seulgi replies softly, before chuckling a little. “And to be honest, it would make leaving a _lot_ harder."

 

The wrinkled pillow beside her is brought to her chest at that, and she drops her chin to rest in the material before shivering as morning chills prickle at her skin. “…You'd better be wearing a scarf. And a hat. I checked the weather forecast for Kyoto last night and it's gonna be below freezing when your plane arrives, so if you get ill from not taking care of yourself again I'll fly over there myself and —"

 

"I love you," her girlfriend cuts in, the end of a choked laugh caught in her words; heavy with the warmth and promise that they've always carried when they're spoken by her. "I'm stupidly in love with you, you know that?"

 

"That's not going to save you when I find out you're not dressing warmly enough,” Seungwan says back weakly, her voice slightly muffled against the pillow now. “But…I’m stupidly in love with you, too."

 

"Very much?” comes the playful reply, and Seungwan hugs the pillow closer.

 

"Too much," she answers, swallowing the lump in her throat as she checks the hour on her bedside clock. Still early. Plenty of time to get to the office. Plenty of time to stay in her apartment and mope around in her Seulgi-less state. "Stay safe, okay? Call me as soon as you land."

 

"I will,” her girlfriend smiles through the receiver. "And Seungwan?"

 

"Yes?"

 

“Don’t forget to check your mail, alright?"

 

“You’re not really one to talk,” she avers, bemused.

 

A whine from the older girl’s end has her smiling. “Just make sure you do it, please?"

 

“Fine, fine,” she complies, already slipping out of bed with the abrupt calling of her empty stomach. “Now go, before you miss your flight.”

 

“Would that be such a bad thing?” Seungwan gives a disapproving sound despite herself; smiling as her girlfriend groans back. “Ugh, okay, I’m _going_ …”

 

Her feet stop barely a few paces on as her hand braces and pauses on the doorframe. “See you later, Seul,” she says with hope rising above her uncertainty..

 

The respondent giggle has her grinning like a fool at the space in front of her. “Be ready for my call, Wan–ah.”

 

Seungwan hums and waits a beat, and reluctantly hangs up first before she can change her mind. She stands there for a moment with her phone in hand, watching the blinking of time passing in the clock onscreen before eventually deciding on the first order of things. The mail sits on the counter already for her, and she shakes her head at the notion when she spots the _Read me!_ written in sharpie on a post–it note, stuck at an odd angle on top of a small pile to the side. It’s definitely Seulgi’s near–indecipherable handwriting, but the signature on the printed document beneath it gives her a pinprick of unease as she picks it up from counter.

 

_Dear Miss Kang,_ she reads her landlady’s handwriting, taking a seat on one of the kitchen stools.

 

_In response to your persistent enquiries about keeping pets here, I will make an exception for a trial period of three weeks. If you manage to keep your dog or cat as well behaved as Mr Oh’s of Apartment 124, I may even congratulate you. But you’re only allowed one!_

 

_Consider this a favour from a neighbourhood aunt to her good friend’s daughter._

 

_Best of luck,_

 

_Jo Mihye_

 

It takes barely half a minute for her to read the letter, but another long minute more for her to read it again.

 

“No way.”

 

She checks that the signature isn’t forged, because there’s no way their stern landlady would allow them to keep a pet. The Sehun guy a few doors down was actually rich enough to pay extra for keeping his beloved poodle, so this is…this was…

 

“ _No way._ "

 

It’s then that she turns her attention to the assortment of papers still left in the pile, and carefully removed the one scrawled in the bright blue gel pen that they always keep by the fridge.

 

_Wanie,_

 

_Hey, it’s your favourite person~_

 

_I’ll be off by the time you read this (unless I chickened out or forgot my stuff…or something?) But! I don’t want you to keep being lonely without me, and since you worked in an animal shelter with Sunyoung unnie before, I thought ‘Hey, Wan–ah wouldn’t be lonely if she had company, like a furry friend!’_

 

_Of course, if you want to wait on adopting till I come back, then that’s fine too. I actually got emailed early this morning about the new project details, and if I put my all into it I can be back after two to three weeks at the earliest. Sounds good, right?_

 

_Always yours,_

 

_Kang Seulgi_

 

_P.S. I love you, by the way._

 

_P.P.S. Stick this on the fridge so you see it every day. Maybe put it next to the photo of us at that Beyoncé concert? Or my drawing of you with your hair curlers. Your choice!_

 

_P.P.P.S. I really really love you, did you know that?_

 

A doodle of a bear face is signed below the last postscript, and Seungwan can’t help the watery laugh that escapes her lips as she reads and rereads the letter till the alarm on her phone breaks her out of her reverie. Keeping true to her girlfriend’s request, she secures the paper with a fridge magnet — rearranging them so that the photo lies on the left and the drawing sits on the right — all before setting up the coffee machine and hurrying to fix a quick breakfast for herself. The petite manager sets a reminder to thank Miss Jo later, and when she passes by the fridge on her way out, she makes sure to spare the letter one last look before setting off.

 

Another post–it note on the door stops her briefly as she slips her heels on, and she takes it with a chuckle.

 

_You’ll do great today, just like you do every day. Take care, okay? xoxo_

 

Seungwan grins to herself, and the note is slipped into her left breast pocket as her good luck charm for the day.

 

“I will,” she murmurs, her heart lifting all the while.

 

_Nerd._

 

 

 


End file.
